How to Say "no"

By Jinny

The passage is talking about the situation that when someone requests you to do something for him or her, most people could not say "no", because they feel guilty if they say no to others. According to a research, women tend to more feel difficult to say no to others, and they are more likely to anticipate to feel badly if they said no. They don't want to let others feel angry or disappointed for their rejected. At the end of the article, the writer gave us some useful procedures to follow when we want to say no but do not know how to say.

In my daily life, I can easily be involved in this kind of situation. Some people, including my relatives, my friends, or even friends of friends, often want me help them. For things big and small, easy or difficult to accomplish. Most of the time, saying no is much harder than it should be. So I waste a lot of my time and energy to help others. Although sometimes my dedication could bring me some benefits, for example, when I am in trouble, I can find a lot of people to help me, in the majority situation, I am wasting my life. I think a lot of people have the same problems with me. So it is very important for us to learn how to say no in out daily life.

Firstly, I think before we promise others to do somethings for them, we need to think it twice. According a research, up to 80% problems come from our promise for others without thinking clearly. We often think these things so easy for us, and predict they are easily to finish, while most probably it did not. For example, before I came to the United States, I had a lot of work to do. I need to prepare my stuff, buy many things which I am going to bring here, and search some information about my class here. But my friend wanted me to refine his final paper for his degree. He said that if I didn't help him, he would fail and none of his friends could help him. Although his major is so different with me, I promised him. But after I began to refine his paper, I found that it was much more difficule than I expected. I didn't understand the electronic things and I also did not understand the basic rules. They need to do an experiment for their paper which is so different from our final paper which need a research.So I tried my best to do it and it took me so long to finish it. At that experience, I understood that never promise somethings that you are not familiar with.

Secondly, try to give up the feeling of guilty. In most cases, people feel guilty  when they say no to others or they just don't want to make others angry or disappointed. In my opinion, when others ask for your help, you could say no to them because you are not responsible to their problems and you have right to do so. If you peomise their request and could not finish it, maybe you can cause some trouble for them. So when you don't want to do this kind of thing, you need to say no to them. Actually I think it is a responsible action for both of you.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/11/opinion/wurm-how-to-say-no/index.html?hpt=op_mid